Gratitude

This week before we prayed at lunch, Mike asked the kids to share about a blessing in their life. We were both shocked to see all three of them begin to squirm, eventually becoming irritated. One claimed to not be able to think of anything, while the other two tried to cop out with answers of "air" and "life." Well, those responses didn't sit well with us! I actually became angry, thinking about how much their lives had changed in the past year. I took a deep breath and asked, "You can't think of ANYTHING that you are thankful for?" The conversation took a nasty turn and one of our precious children was sent to their room without eating lunch. (Guess you should have been thankful for the food on the table!) I decided it was time to take inventory of some of the "blessings" at their disposal...and as I packed up the TV/DVD remotes and the video game controls, I thought, "I guess they want to learn the hard way!"

I began to reflect on how God must feel as He pours out blessings on His children. (As a parent, I know I can't question why He would resort to other measures to attract our attention!) The wonderful things He has done in my life have accomplished very little in comparison to the horrendous pain of watching my mom die of cancer. Now again, through the daily anguish of trying to break through the barriers around my children's hearts, His Spirit is ever present and I experience the power of His amazing love that at times seems elusive. Just as I desire the best for my children, how much more is He willing to do to capture our hearts? To ensure that our trust lies only in Him? Please pray for our family as Mike and I continue to navigate this journey.

Life's Transitions

Last night, all three of our kids were upset with us because they had to study. I told Lindsay, "Some things you won't understand until you have your own children." She quickly retorted, "I'm not going to have any children," to which I replied, "That's what I thought, too...but sometimes God has other plans!"

God has a knack for throwing curveballs every now and then. You are heading down a road, thinking you know exactly where you are headed, and suddenly you realize you have no idea where you are. Coming to Brazil, serving at CLM orphanage, adopting three children...all easy decisions because God's voice was crystal clear and we knew we needed to be obedient. Suddenly, I am a mom of three adolescents, and things have become a little blurry!

Adoption is an emotional roller coaster that has my stomach in knots most days. Joy, sadness, pride, anger, anticipation, worry...sometimes all in the same hour! I am daily reminded of God's extreme patience and love for us, His adopted children. The uncertainty of what new issue will cause a blood pressure spike tomorrow, if we'll have enough money to pay our bills next month, or where we'll be living next year...causes me to cling to the Lord more than ever before. I'm afraid that means that He likes when my life is unpredictable because He reiterates that He is my constant, my rock, and my source. He will continue to throw me curveballs, and during each of these transitions in my life, I will learn more about being His child.

By Your Side

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Don't turn away
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching
as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go, child?
Tell me, to where will you run?
Where will you run?

Because I'll be by your side
Wherever you've fallen
Dead of night
Whenever you're calling
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you.
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in and give you life
I want to give you life.

Because I'll be by your side
Wherever you've fallen
Dead of night
Whenever you're calling
Please don't fight
These hands that are holding you.
My hands are holding you.

'Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
that I, I love you
I'll never let you go.
--Tenth Avenue North