Paradox. The mystery of God. The first shall be last, the weak become strong, the meek inherit the earth, (the golf ball goes farther when you don't swing as hard)....on and on it goes...until you begin to wonder which way is up! The irony of how God takes the broken things of this world and makes them beautiful is something that has always amazed me. This past month, He has done it again in such a personal way that I can do nothing but stand in awe of His power and grace. Along this journey, I've tried to share the highs and lows, the gory and the glory. I will be the first to admit that there have been many times in the last 15 months that I've cried out to the Lord, "What have we done?" I have gained insight into the lives of the families who have stepped out in faith to change the lives of an orphan child, and tasted the bitter truth that they had bit off more than they could chew. There have been many times that I've felt numb, paralyzed by fear and have entertained thoughts of giving up. Each time, the Lord would gently (sometimes, not so much!) remind me that He had spoken and I must trust Him to complete the work He had begun. I felt like he was stripping away each of the things in my life that had given me security--my time with Mike, my own abilities, my family, my relationships with friends, my control of our finances. Each month, I felt like that control was slipping through my fingers and no matter what I did, I couldn't stop it.
I remember that during one of these low times, Mike told me that I was trying too hard. (He may have also told me that I needed a slap across the face to snap myself out of it...but my memory is a little fuzzy on that part!) I began praying about this and was hit with the simple truth, "Less of me, more of You." Another paradox. Less is more. Although I had known from the beginning that God had to do the work in our children and in our family, I was trying too hard to make something happen myself. I had taken it on as my own personal project and was feeling the "agony of defeat." (How many of you are seeing that poor skier tumbling down the mountain?!) God again enters and says, "Child, let me do My part. You have a role but I'm the Only One who can change hearts." And that's what He wants to do! He wants us to step out of the way and let Him work. Then, when we see the miracles, the glory stories, the "beautiful from the broken," we will not be able to take any credit. We will only stand in awe and point others toward Him.
Today, I am standing in awe and pointing you toward Jesus. The lover of my soul, my protector, my provider, the changer of hearts. I have seen a miraculous change in the hearts of our kids (and maybe even more so in my own heart) this past month and I praise God that I can't take any of the credit. I praise God that He is doing His part and I can just be me. No pressure. Thank you, Jesus for the paradox that you have weaved into the core of the universe. Less of me, more of You.
